你快乐吗?

我很矛盾。
我不知道我以为你流了多少眼泪。
一个从来不随意流泪的人，
竟然在这么短的时间，
流了不少的眼泪。

你让我变了。
我爱你，
但我不敢说。
我讨厌黑漆漆的夜晚，
人们已都深睡，
我却一人苏醒，
独自在房里，
一人哭泣。

我不在思考你在想什么，
但我好痛苦。
爱你却不能说。
我好乱。
脑子好乱，
心好乱，
好乱好乱，
好折磨。

我想恨你，
但到最后才发现，
越想恨你，
越爱你。

你不跟我说话，
不接近我，
我心痛。
每天见你，
也就区区几秒钟。
我忌妒他们，
能和你共渡，
能与你笑，
能与你闹。

究竟要到什么时候，
什么时候？
什么时候，
我才能回复？

什么是什么？
爱是什么？
恨又是什么？
遗忘是什么？
爱过，
恨过，
但从来没有，
遗忘过，
遗忘过你。

我错在哪里？
我不知。
但我知，
你没错。

我后悔，
后悔当促没答应你。

人生曲曲折折，
我现在才体会。

我心疼，
好疼。
我哭泣，
我流泪。
因为我还爱你，
我爱你。

你快乐吗？
我还能爱你吗？
我又有接口来很你吗？
可以吗?
我不快乐，
你快乐吗？

猪头！

你这个猪头（猪头是我最高限制的粗口）！！！！！！！！！！
每天只会逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！
一点都不会面对问题。逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！
干嘛在人家面前装着好好先生，是大家的朋友，背后，事实上，一点都不友善。
逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！
逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！逃避！
醒醒啊！！！！ 你这猪头！！！！！！！
pride, vanity, arrogance, unsociable, ignorance, cocky, it is all in you!!!!!!!!!
咳，我也是个笨蛋，都这种地步，还念念不忘。
但你也最好小心一点，因为我不会逃避，我会面对问题，面对你这个大猪头！！！！
有时候，骂人会让人放松一些些。
你给我小心哦！若让我发现你有什么对不起我的话，你就完蛋了，我会把你五马分尸，让你粉身碎骨！哈哈！ *evil
虽然我人小，但千万不要小看我的实力。

Naega Micheosso

Okay, I got anxiety and depression syndrome now. The sympathetic nervous system acted so actively these day, causing increased contractility of heart ventricles and my heart rate increases. I got palpitation everyday and I could not concentrate in my studies and feeling fatigue most of the time. I find that it is hard to cheer my up and I look tired. I think I am going crazy. But at least I do realise that I am under mental distress now, better than not realising at all. Calm down, calm down.

Things that make me worried:
*my best friend unintentionally seduce/snatch away him from me
*he doesn't love me anymore
*he is trying to run away from me

I hope that all these are just my imagination and are not true.
One of the way that can help me out from this is that if he approaches me. At least, please be a little bit more friendly to me. You are so cruel to me.

You are defeated!

I'LL NOT BOTHER YOU ANYMORE, YOU CRUEL DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM MUCH A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN LIVE BETTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU CAN NEVER SUCCESS BECAUSE YOU ARE CRUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sad

He's making me sad everyday. He did not try to approach me. Now, he's succeeding in his carrier, it was like suddenly he is promoted. He thought that I am the one who is blocking his way, but he does not know that I am the one that support him throughout the way. Anyway, it is true that it is all his efforts that make him through this long way. See, I've told you that you are great, just believe in me. The encouragement that you gave to me yesterday really made me happy, but I am sure that you will tell that to anyone. Am I thinking too much? People all think that we are couple, but I am feeling that he's running away from me. I wanted to ask him for a tea, but I think he'll try to run away just like that day. So, I think perhaps it is better for me not to ask, or else I'll be hurting myself. Ow... sounds so sad. Oppa, study and work are what you are trying to balance out, but can't you just try to spend some time with me?
______________________________________

You're the voice here inside my head,
the reason that I'm singing,
I need to find you,
I gotta find you.

You're the missing piece I need,
the song inside of me,
I need to find you,
I gotta find you.

Awkward starting

Yes, as predicted, it started off awkward. He did not try to talk to me. And as usual, he dozed off in the class again. I've already tried not to check on him, but it was really too obvious that his head was kept nodding down. So, I had to wake him up no matter what. Later on, then only we started to act like usual. Hmm, nah, no comment.

Waiting for tomorrow to come

Hmm, I thought that everything should be fine and I hope so. But I can feel that something is still not right. Still cold. I can find out that he blocked me on his messenger and that is so sad, though I ain't so sure about this. I want to see his face tomorrow, not that I miss him, but I just want to see his expression- whether it is okay or awkward. It is true that he asked me the question because he really wants to? Or it is just for nothing? Goodbye to weekends and hello to weekdays.