Let go

I've learned to let go as I think I've found the truth. He said he is the worst guy. No, he isn't. But I believe that it's my fault. I made him feel that he's the worst guy. Oppa must be sad right now. He must be disappointed with himself. Weird. I feel sad for him.

good luck to you

Wish oppa good luck in his exam! must score better this time o!

Imagination

My mind is keep on imagining and planning about the whole flow.

Here it is. Right after the last paper on Thursday, I am going to call him and ask him out for a tea appointment on Friday. Preferably at the cafe selling my favorite cake where it has the best privacy. So, I am going to just talk about how he has been for these days, nothing about past, and let him go in about 15 minutes. The purpose is just to cool down the tense between us and be friends again.

So here are the possibilities that may happen and keep on interrupting my mind when studying.

A: He asks about past and want to be back. Then, I'll be super happy.

B: As my plan, nothing happens, just chatting.

C: He tells me those nasty things that hurt me, like he likes some other girls or we will never be together.

*Sigh. I really don't know what will happen on the actual day. Or maybe he just rejects all sorts of invitation. Really hope that exam ends soon.

April Fool

It's April fool tomorrow. I still remember how it started. The message is no longer in my phone, but i remembered I copied it down somewhere else. I should find it back one day. I miss him.

Helpless

I feel so helpless. Anyone can tell me what is right and what is wrong? What should I do? What should I not do?

oh no!!!

gosh, i m supposed to study now and i m keep thinking about him.

wake up, eve! go back to your reality!!!

a dream, a tea

yesterday i got a weird dream. he came to find me and ask me to be with him again. inside, i agreed but i told him that i nid some time to consider. later, my friends told me that he just broke up with his previous girlfriend, her name is yu jie. like seriously i don't know who she is, but in the dream, she is a first year student from other course. so people said that he stand of her and is still thinking of me, that's why he did so. he was busy at that time. i went to his house, and then he sent me home.

this dream is totally ridiculous. it will NEVER happened.

i feel so contra. i want to be with him and i dont want to be with him. i still got the feeling for him, and i don't want to loose him despite knowing that he might be liking some other girls, maybe a girl in his house, maybe a girl from his hometown. i feel sad inside. it is more realistic for me to not be with him. i am still thinking if he really suits me.

but i am thinking of being friend with him again. previously, i was thinking of totally ignoring him in my life. but seems like, things can be better and less awkward. i am thinking of asking him out for a tea and have a short chat after the final exam. not a date, but a tea appointment. just to talk about how well have we been these days. hope that he accept the invitation later on. i even thought of a suitable cafe for this discussion.

well, i got the feeling that we will not be in the same posting next semester, so i m so not afraid to do this because i m not going to see him that often anymore.

never ending.

friends forever

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone you had to say good-bye?

>There are too many things that make me consider alot. My health condition is a major. Would someone really love me, despite knowing that i am not a healthy person, and i could die at any time and anywhere due to cardiac arrest? I am sad.

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

>I don't know. I am despair. I feel helpless.

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?

>This is what I always feel. No matter how happy I am, deep inside I am still sad and depressed, because I hope that the person that is laughing with me is him.

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?

>What can i do if i died tomorrow and i never got to tell them how i felt? I wanted to tell him someday, that i still care for him, i still love him, but i dare not to tell him, because i just want to leave him in peace.

What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else and you could never have them?

> i m in this situation now. i can't have him, but i still stay with ryu. and i love it deep.

Some people live and some people die.

But I want to tell you I love you and you are a true friend...

>And I want to tell you that I love you though you might not take me as your true friend

That I will always be here for you when and if you need me...

> I will be always here for you, no matter what

If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever.

>Forever in my heart

Would I be in yours?

>I don't know.

If you care about the person who sent this to you then you will send it back.

>I really wanted to send this back to you, but i am just to timid. coz i dunwan what you ar e thinking.

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next year, and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

>i want to talk with you, and i don;t want to talk with you. i will be selfish if i want to talk with you, because i will make your mind haywire.

So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

> and I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, not that I dont want to talk to you, but i can't, you are always special to me, and you have made a difference in my life.

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you

> always, I respect you.

can't stand of lazy people

in school, there are 2 ppl that i really can't stand of.

first, is the girl that i think who is betrayer. and i hope that she isn't.

second, is the girl that has really lack of responsibilities and kind of selfish. she only thinks of herself and just let other people to cover up her workload. i am sick of covering up her responsibilities. nice is boring. she is already an adult, in fact, she is older than me, and so, she should know the consequences of her actions.

i am stuck. i do not know how to stop being nice and let her learn the lessons when no one wants to help her. she is just too dependent on the others. *sigh.

I keep on dreaming about him

yesterday, i dream that we were in the same class and is having a discussion, with a friend sitting between us. the teacher pointed the same question to both of us, "what is your opinion towards the opposite sex?". he replied, "she is angry of me" and closed his face with his hands. then, he passed something to the friend between us, which as if it was supposed to be passed to me.

just now, while taking a nap, i dream of us about. we were in my room together with some friends, chatting and chamworing like normal. In the dream, i found out that he actually replied my posts in facebook but i did not realised.

dreams are just dreams. it is just illusions and not of it is real.

in the reality, we never talk, we never see each other. True that I am angry with him, true that I feel like being fooled by him, true that I still miss him. Perhaps, that's the reason I dream of him in that way.

these days, i found that he got several bad characteristics. i am sorry that he looks fat with that hair, i am sorry that i hate his hair colour that makes him ugly, i am sorry to say that he is using words inappropriately to the others, i am sorry to say that i am improving but i see none in him. he does not impress me at all. but paradoxically, i miss him. i am brave enough to use the word that i love him. because when you like someone, you laugh with him. but when you love someone, you are willing to cry for him.

it seems like there is no return at all. i feel so, i think so.

i struggled a lot for these few days, for that i found that he might fall in love with another friend of mine. I feel stupid for that i feel betrayed. I am stupid enough to do the card all by myself, pass it to her and she told him that it was him who do it. He must have not thought that it was actually me. feel so betrayed. feel so stupid.

i miss him

i have no idea. i do not know why. i did not see him since only yesterday. others said that he got some family affairs. i hope that it is something not related to health. i hope that his dad will be well and healthy. i wonder if he is encountering any problem. is he sad? is he worried? but i miss him.

Sorry, oppa

在梦里，oppa告诉我，说我太罗嗦。不知道为什么开始感到内疚。事实根本就没有这样的事。但是自己在梦里，一直哭个不停，一直说“哦吧，对不起，对不起啦，哦吧”。好想在他面前这样哭，这样的说对不起。