Friday, July 31, 2009
Thank you.
Thanks for the call. And thank God, we get all things clarified. I am happy with it now and I'll treasure you as a good friend of mine. :D Thank you really much.
Waiting for your call
What had happened to you? Why you send me the message but you did not reply me? Are you too tired? I am waiting for your call.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
我真的很爱你
事情实在是太复杂了。为什么一路以来你有那么多委屈，那么多的不满，你都把全部往自己的肚子里吞，把一切都隐藏在心里？你知道吗？你这个样子，不只是你一个人痛，我的心也好疼。真的很疼。就如刀割，一片一片的割下来。你好自私，从没跟我分享。我很内疚，当初没好好的跟你谈这些正紧事，没有好好的把你的心理事揪出来，没好好的帮你疗伤。我真的没有负起我应有的责任。你的决定，我尊重你。但是，我想让你知道，我很在乎你，我非常想念你， 但我又怕影响到你的前途。不管你的决定是真么样，我永远都会在背后支持你。我的心依旧不变。我爱你。
You are not what you perceive
It's early in the morning. The thirst in my throat awaken me for a slip of water. And the anger arises. I am angry. Angry for being accused for things that are untrue.
To solve this problem, I need to talk to him, but not now. Because I am not as harsh as you. I will not trouble you when you are tired and busy. Just like that day, you called me without asking if I was free. You called me at the time when I was frustrating, when I was being imprisoned and when I knew that I am unable to see you and my friends for the whole week. But I will not do the same to you. I will only call you when you are free. I did know that you are busy now, you went out early in the morning and came back late at night and I am surely not going to interrupt your rest time in the midnight. But I really need to get this clarified. Not to reverse anything, but to prove that you are not the one who is always right. You blamed that I think I was always right, but please be reminded, you too are human. Although you think that you've always be thinking about what all people around you think, but this time, you failed. You failed for looking this superficially. You failed for not getting problems solved, you avoided it and come out with a bad conclusion. Or maybe you know that I can sense you, and you pretended out everything, so that you will drive me to a dead end, perhaps, you've succeeded in this.
If you ever think that you are only the one that is making the move and I am doing nothing, then you are wrong. I am still a girl. No matter how bold I am, I always need to hold back myself. Not to say that three words that easily, not to ask you first for a date outside, not to hug you first. The sandwich that I prepared for you was in my bag. It was there for several times. I wanted to give it to you. But when I asked you, I came to know that you've already got your breakfast and it was sure that I am not going to choke you to eat another set of breakfast. And I threw it away. All my efforts were gone. The last sunday, I made a picture of that green thing, and I sticked it on the my room's door, I took a picture and I wanted to show it to you the next day. And again, all my efforts were gone. Have you ever wonder, that a diamond ring will not make me happy, so, I am sure that a limited edition watch will not make you happy too. What I do, is I make sure that you are safe, I make sure that you got enough sleep and I make sure that you are able to perform well in all the fields. I care for you, not buying things for you. Buying things is not the way to care. Do you remembered how many times you told me the three words? None. You never say that three words to me. "Lov ya," and that's only once you said in the messenger. Do you know that I've been feeling insecure all this while. You gave me hope, and you ruined it. You came to see me on that Friday evening, and on the next Monday, you changed. I always wanted to hold you hands, to let you feel the warmness in me, but I am still a girl. I've been acting boldly before this, and all the people around me reminded me not to be too brave, or you'll not treasure me.
Do you ever know why did I called you "oppa"? No, definitely it is not the moonfish. No, it's not the big belly. I hope that you feel the love when I called you "oppa". You can simply google that and you got its meaning.
If you think that I am not mixing well with your friends, and all these while that you have been mixing with my friends. You are wrong. I don't have to show to everyone that I've been contacted with your friends all these while. My friends are all treating you well. They take you as a family. But do you know how bad it feels, when I met one of your friends in the lift, he did not even take a look at me, he did not even smile at me, nor he says hi to me, even though that he did know that I was in the lift. I was chatting with another friend of his, there's no way that he did not know that I was there. But how could I blame you for this? It's his fault, not yours. But I still need to let you know that you don't have to make my friends as your friends. I've told you that whenever you don't feel like having lunch with us, you can just go with your friends.
Do you know what bad and insecure the feeling is when we walked to a place, I talked to a friend for a second, and I turned back, and you weren't there. I searched for you, and you were gone. Every time whenever I wanted to leave a place, I'll let you know. I'll say goodbye to you. But you never do that.
Do you know that every time during meeting, the admiration and the superiority in you increases every time? The more I see you participated in the discussion, I admired you more. And I definitely think that you are the guy that can lead the people. Or in the future, you can lead a family. That's why I've been thinking that you are the right guy.
Whenever I feel something is wrong with us, I always make the move to talk to you, to solve the problem. And I emphasise here again that you've already promise to talk to each other if there's anything. But why are you always hiding, when you knew that it wasn't right? You think I am stupid, are you a genius?
Say, if you really study hard for an exam, and you provide every single question with the correct answer, and the examiner graded you as failed, will you be satisfied? Now I could fully understand something that you've said before- "since when, life is supposed to be always fair?". But do listen, if in the world, people are all treating each other unfair, because what they think is that things are not always fair, then I think, they shall have an appointment with justice.
You are not the worst guy, you are the best guy. Best guy makes mistakes too. I am not 100% correct, nor even 50%, but I am not always wrong too and you are not always right.
My dad said that you are selfish, you are petty. My friend said that you are ignorant, you are unbrilliant in handling this. They are standing at my side, but I'll never let them say so. Because they don't know you, so that they could not charge you as anything.
Whatever it is, I really need to talk to you. To clarify that what you perceive, may not be what the others perceive, and what you and the others perceive, may not be what which is true. If you ever reflected after we have the talk, you feel guilt, you feel wrong, but remember, I'll forgive you because I know that you are not perfect nor any other people in this world.
To solve this problem, I need to talk to him, but not now. Because I am not as harsh as you. I will not trouble you when you are tired and busy. Just like that day, you called me without asking if I was free. You called me at the time when I was frustrating, when I was being imprisoned and when I knew that I am unable to see you and my friends for the whole week. But I will not do the same to you. I will only call you when you are free. I did know that you are busy now, you went out early in the morning and came back late at night and I am surely not going to interrupt your rest time in the midnight. But I really need to get this clarified. Not to reverse anything, but to prove that you are not the one who is always right. You blamed that I think I was always right, but please be reminded, you too are human. Although you think that you've always be thinking about what all people around you think, but this time, you failed. You failed for looking this superficially. You failed for not getting problems solved, you avoided it and come out with a bad conclusion. Or maybe you know that I can sense you, and you pretended out everything, so that you will drive me to a dead end, perhaps, you've succeeded in this.
If you ever think that you are only the one that is making the move and I am doing nothing, then you are wrong. I am still a girl. No matter how bold I am, I always need to hold back myself. Not to say that three words that easily, not to ask you first for a date outside, not to hug you first. The sandwich that I prepared for you was in my bag. It was there for several times. I wanted to give it to you. But when I asked you, I came to know that you've already got your breakfast and it was sure that I am not going to choke you to eat another set of breakfast. And I threw it away. All my efforts were gone. The last sunday, I made a picture of that green thing, and I sticked it on the my room's door, I took a picture and I wanted to show it to you the next day. And again, all my efforts were gone. Have you ever wonder, that a diamond ring will not make me happy, so, I am sure that a limited edition watch will not make you happy too. What I do, is I make sure that you are safe, I make sure that you got enough sleep and I make sure that you are able to perform well in all the fields. I care for you, not buying things for you. Buying things is not the way to care. Do you remembered how many times you told me the three words? None. You never say that three words to me. "Lov ya," and that's only once you said in the messenger. Do you know that I've been feeling insecure all this while. You gave me hope, and you ruined it. You came to see me on that Friday evening, and on the next Monday, you changed. I always wanted to hold you hands, to let you feel the warmness in me, but I am still a girl. I've been acting boldly before this, and all the people around me reminded me not to be too brave, or you'll not treasure me.
Do you ever know why did I called you "oppa"? No, definitely it is not the moonfish. No, it's not the big belly. I hope that you feel the love when I called you "oppa". You can simply google that and you got its meaning.
If you think that I am not mixing well with your friends, and all these while that you have been mixing with my friends. You are wrong. I don't have to show to everyone that I've been contacted with your friends all these while. My friends are all treating you well. They take you as a family. But do you know how bad it feels, when I met one of your friends in the lift, he did not even take a look at me, he did not even smile at me, nor he says hi to me, even though that he did know that I was in the lift. I was chatting with another friend of his, there's no way that he did not know that I was there. But how could I blame you for this? It's his fault, not yours. But I still need to let you know that you don't have to make my friends as your friends. I've told you that whenever you don't feel like having lunch with us, you can just go with your friends.
Do you know what bad and insecure the feeling is when we walked to a place, I talked to a friend for a second, and I turned back, and you weren't there. I searched for you, and you were gone. Every time whenever I wanted to leave a place, I'll let you know. I'll say goodbye to you. But you never do that.
Do you know that every time during meeting, the admiration and the superiority in you increases every time? The more I see you participated in the discussion, I admired you more. And I definitely think that you are the guy that can lead the people. Or in the future, you can lead a family. That's why I've been thinking that you are the right guy.
Whenever I feel something is wrong with us, I always make the move to talk to you, to solve the problem. And I emphasise here again that you've already promise to talk to each other if there's anything. But why are you always hiding, when you knew that it wasn't right? You think I am stupid, are you a genius?
Say, if you really study hard for an exam, and you provide every single question with the correct answer, and the examiner graded you as failed, will you be satisfied? Now I could fully understand something that you've said before- "since when, life is supposed to be always fair?". But do listen, if in the world, people are all treating each other unfair, because what they think is that things are not always fair, then I think, they shall have an appointment with justice.
You are not the worst guy, you are the best guy. Best guy makes mistakes too. I am not 100% correct, nor even 50%, but I am not always wrong too and you are not always right.
My dad said that you are selfish, you are petty. My friend said that you are ignorant, you are unbrilliant in handling this. They are standing at my side, but I'll never let them say so. Because they don't know you, so that they could not charge you as anything.
Whatever it is, I really need to talk to you. To clarify that what you perceive, may not be what the others perceive, and what you and the others perceive, may not be what which is true. If you ever reflected after we have the talk, you feel guilt, you feel wrong, but remember, I'll forgive you because I know that you are not perfect nor any other people in this world.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I need to hear from you
Thinking back of what oppa told me that day, now I could figure out that something must be wrong. During the call, he put all the burden and fault on himself which shouldn't happened. And I really believed what he told me.
But thinking back and thinking back again, I know that there must be something wrong. There must be some misunderstanding between us. Don't you think that it is weird that all this while everything seems to be okay, but suddenly he said that everything is not okay?
The last Friday, he came to see me and everything went smooth. Two days later which is on Sunday, I went to see him and everything was still alright. And all of the sudden, he told me all those stuffs on Monday. The changes were too drastic. If he could have had those kinds of thoughts from the beginning, he should not have come to see me on that day.
Based on my analysis, our main problem is communication. I am not blaming him. It is my fault that I told him most of the thing I felt and what happened around me, and he was the listener most of the time. Whenever I asked him if he's okay or if he's too busy, he said it was okay, but he'll never tell his problems although I do know that something must have troubling him. He is holding so many tasks at a time. How could I help him? I could not help him to do his tasks about the international event that is going on now. There must be something that he is not satisfied with me but the thing is, he never tell me nor he tells anyone. Oppa, I've told you before in the phone, I need to hear from you. I need you to be honest with me, tell me, what's happening, how you feel and what you think. Isn't that that we already promised to be frank to each other, to just ask rather than to guess and hide? It is indeed my fault of not forcing him to spill out everything. Oppa, I would like to let you know that from all this while, since the very beginning, I always care for you. I know that I could not be always there for you, by your side. I know it is silly that I actually plead my friend to be a secret guardian for you, to check if you are happy, to check if you are safe, to check if you are doing well. Perhaps I did not show it out that I care for you, but the truth is, every morning when I woke up, I think of you, I wish that you got a good night sleep the night before and you are being able to work and study to the fullest. And every night when I go to bed, I think of you again, whether you are staying up late, whether you enjoyed the day, whether you are well-prepared for the next day. And the truth is, I am still doing the same thing now.
Oppa, I do know that you are a really good person who always taking care and concerning about all the people around you. Whatever you did, you always think deeply about others feeling, but oppa, we are humans. Humans are humans, humans are not perfect. I am not perfect, you are not perfect, same goes to anyone in this world. We did mistakes, I did lots of mistakes. But oppa, do let me know that what are the mistakes. It will not be effective if you leave things to be as it is. And oppa, not that of everything that you think are all right, because what we think, is what we perceived, what you perceived is not what other people may perceive.
Again, oppa. The same words that I want to say to you when I called you that day that I want to hear from you and I need to hear from you. Do reply my message.
But thinking back and thinking back again, I know that there must be something wrong. There must be some misunderstanding between us. Don't you think that it is weird that all this while everything seems to be okay, but suddenly he said that everything is not okay?
The last Friday, he came to see me and everything went smooth. Two days later which is on Sunday, I went to see him and everything was still alright. And all of the sudden, he told me all those stuffs on Monday. The changes were too drastic. If he could have had those kinds of thoughts from the beginning, he should not have come to see me on that day.
Based on my analysis, our main problem is communication. I am not blaming him. It is my fault that I told him most of the thing I felt and what happened around me, and he was the listener most of the time. Whenever I asked him if he's okay or if he's too busy, he said it was okay, but he'll never tell his problems although I do know that something must have troubling him. He is holding so many tasks at a time. How could I help him? I could not help him to do his tasks about the international event that is going on now. There must be something that he is not satisfied with me but the thing is, he never tell me nor he tells anyone. Oppa, I've told you before in the phone, I need to hear from you. I need you to be honest with me, tell me, what's happening, how you feel and what you think. Isn't that that we already promised to be frank to each other, to just ask rather than to guess and hide? It is indeed my fault of not forcing him to spill out everything. Oppa, I would like to let you know that from all this while, since the very beginning, I always care for you. I know that I could not be always there for you, by your side. I know it is silly that I actually plead my friend to be a secret guardian for you, to check if you are happy, to check if you are safe, to check if you are doing well. Perhaps I did not show it out that I care for you, but the truth is, every morning when I woke up, I think of you, I wish that you got a good night sleep the night before and you are being able to work and study to the fullest. And every night when I go to bed, I think of you again, whether you are staying up late, whether you enjoyed the day, whether you are well-prepared for the next day. And the truth is, I am still doing the same thing now.
Oppa, I do know that you are a really good person who always taking care and concerning about all the people around you. Whatever you did, you always think deeply about others feeling, but oppa, we are humans. Humans are humans, humans are not perfect. I am not perfect, you are not perfect, same goes to anyone in this world. We did mistakes, I did lots of mistakes. But oppa, do let me know that what are the mistakes. It will not be effective if you leave things to be as it is. And oppa, not that of everything that you think are all right, because what we think, is what we perceived, what you perceived is not what other people may perceive.
Again, oppa. The same words that I want to say to you when I called you that day that I want to hear from you and I need to hear from you. Do reply my message.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I am firm
Oppa, I am firm with my decision now. I am going to help you out from your misery. No matter it works or not, I want you to be strong.
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