You are not what you perceive

It's early in the morning. The thirst in my throat awaken me for a slip of water. And the anger arises. I am angry. Angry for being accused for things that are untrue.

To solve this problem, I need to talk to him, but not now. Because I am not as harsh as you. I will not trouble you when you are tired and busy. Just like that day, you called me without asking if I was free. You called me at the time when I was frustrating, when I was being imprisoned and when I knew that I am unable to see you and my friends for the whole week. But I will not do the same to you. I will only call you when you are free. I did know that you are busy now, you went out early in the morning and came back late at night and I am surely not going to interrupt your rest time in the midnight. But I really need to get this clarified. Not to reverse anything, but to prove that you are not the one who is always right. You blamed that I think I was always right, but please be reminded, you too are human. Although you think that you've always be thinking about what all people around you think, but this time, you failed. You failed for looking this superficially. You failed for not getting problems solved, you avoided it and come out with a bad conclusion. Or maybe you know that I can sense you, and you pretended out everything, so that you will drive me to a dead end, perhaps, you've succeeded in this.

If you ever think that you are only the one that is making the move and I am doing nothing, then you are wrong. I am still a girl. No matter how bold I am, I always need to hold back myself. Not to say that three words that easily, not to ask you first for a date outside, not to hug you first. The sandwich that I prepared for you was in my bag. It was there for several times. I wanted to give it to you. But when I asked you, I came to know that you've already got your breakfast and it was sure that I am not going to choke you to eat another set of breakfast. And I threw it away. All my efforts were gone. The last sunday, I made a picture of that green thing, and I sticked it on the my room's door, I took a picture and I wanted to show it to you the next day. And again, all my efforts were gone. Have you ever wonder, that a diamond ring will not make me happy, so, I am sure that a limited edition watch will not make you happy too. What I do, is I make sure that you are safe, I make sure that you got enough sleep and I make sure that you are able to perform well in all the fields. I care for you, not buying things for you. Buying things is not the way to care. Do you remembered how many times you told me the three words? None. You never say that three words to me. "Lov ya," and that's only once you said in the messenger. Do you know that I've been feeling insecure all this while. You gave me hope, and you ruined it. You came to see me on that Friday evening, and on the next Monday, you changed. I always wanted to hold you hands, to let you feel the warmness in me, but I am still a girl. I've been acting boldly before this, and all the people around me reminded me not to be too brave, or you'll not treasure me.

Do you ever know why did I called you "oppa"? No, definitely it is not the moonfish. No, it's not the big belly. I hope that you feel the love when I called you "oppa". You can simply google that and you got its meaning.

If you think that I am not mixing well with your friends, and all these while that you have been mixing with my friends. You are wrong. I don't have to show to everyone that I've been contacted with your friends all these while. My friends are all treating you well. They take you as a family. But do you know how bad it feels, when I met one of your friends in the lift, he did not even take a look at me, he did not even smile at me, nor he says hi to me, even though that he did know that I was in the lift. I was chatting with another friend of his, there's no way that he did not know that I was there. But how could I blame you for this? It's his fault, not yours. But I still need to let you know that you don't have to make my friends as your friends. I've told you that whenever you don't feel like having lunch with us, you can just go with your friends.

Do you know what bad and insecure the feeling is when we walked to a place, I talked to a friend for a second, and I turned back, and you weren't there. I searched for you, and you were gone. Every time whenever I wanted to leave a place, I'll let you know. I'll say goodbye to you. But you never do that.

Do you know that every time during meeting, the admiration and the superiority in you increases every time? The more I see you participated in the discussion, I admired you more. And I definitely think that you are the guy that can lead the people. Or in the future, you can lead a family. That's why I've been thinking that you are the right guy.

Whenever I feel something is wrong with us, I always make the move to talk to you, to solve the problem. And I emphasise here again that you've already promise to talk to each other if there's anything. But why are you always hiding, when you knew that it wasn't right? You think I am stupid, are you a genius?

Say, if you really study hard for an exam, and you provide every single question with the correct answer, and the examiner graded you as failed, will you be satisfied? Now I could fully understand something that you've said before- "since when, life is supposed to be always fair?". But do listen, if in the world, people are all treating each other unfair, because what they think is that things are not always fair, then I think, they shall have an appointment with justice.

You are not the worst guy, you are the best guy. Best guy makes mistakes too. I am not 100% correct, nor even 50%, but I am not always wrong too and you are not always right.

My dad said that you are selfish, you are petty. My friend said that you are ignorant, you are unbrilliant in handling this. They are standing at my side, but I'll never let them say so. Because they don't know you, so that they could not charge you as anything.

Whatever it is, I really need to talk to you. To clarify that what you perceive, may not be what the others perceive, and what you and the others perceive, may not be what which is true. If you ever reflected after we have the talk, you feel guilt, you feel wrong, but remember, I'll forgive you because I know that you are not perfect nor any other people in this world.